Laivfabrikken Trondheims oktoberlaiv nå åpen for påmelding!

Fra trynebokji:

Klassefesten er en laiv om å være tenåring. Om å passe inn. Om å kjenne sin rolle i hierarkiet.

Rollene går i 10. klasse, og alle vet hvem de er og hvilken posisjon de har, og fremfor alt; hvem de vil være og hva de streber etter. Klassefesten er et hverdagsdrama fra 2012 og vi kommer til å spille tenåringer av i dag, men ta gjerne med deg angsten, gledene og hormonene fra da du selv var 15, enten det er 5, 15 eller 25 år siden.

Image

https://imagonem.org/2012/09/25/4579/

STANGOR WINNING

Stangor run for hours. Get tired, take Potion of Mushrooms, gobble many Herbs. Get injured by monsters. Slaves carry Stangor to Base Camp to heal.

Stangor very strong. High valor rating.

***

… Wha… where am I? What’s that TV doing on? Was I on the Wii again?

The swiftly increasing dependence on becoming Stangor and fetching mushrooms and monster carcasses actually kept me from working OR exercising almost all day yesterday. I finally got to work starting about 8 pm.

Wei and I want to live, so we walk a lot for exercise. Last week, before Stangor, we hiked up hill and down dale for 2 hours with no problem. Now, we’re again walking only a little, and falling behind.

Hmmm… I… COULD… blow off this «job» I’m supposed to do and make a quick run to the Moga Woods for a few dinosaur bladders and Blue Mushrooms… at least I would be «outdoors.» It wouldn’t be REAL exercise, but it might feel like real exercise, sort of.

Stangor have long hair, gray streaks, but no dandruff.

Stangor never take bath, wear armor all day yet never stink.

STANGOR DON’T TEXT.

Stangor will return later with fresh raw meat, many Wyvern teeth. Impress food stand woman in village.

Now Stangor must use Magic Window, send word-scrolls of rants by little weak glasses man to big chief editor in San Francisco, get money for new game controller. Little glasses man can die now. Stangor send in old silly papers for him, earn many Resources, upgrade weapons. Stangor no longer need silly glasses man.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

 

 

 

Stangors Saga: Stangor Complete First Quest

Now Stangor want woman. But women of village only want Stangor to find drugs, kill monsters. All people of village on drugs. Even Stangor. When Stangor grow weak from killing, must mix Blue Mushroom and Herb to make Potion. Then Stangor feel good, kill more, find more mushrooms. Today Stangor made Guild Member, sent to get horn of deeralope so Chief can get high. Tomorrow must catch Goldenfish, make many villagers high. Must catch Bitterbug. People say Bitterbug give Stangor go-fast power for short time, then bad crash. Like «blue ice» in Stangor’s village. Make many rednecks sick, silly. Stangor want red meat, woman.

Red meat no problem. Stangor now good killer, learn sword moves, buy full set armor. But village woman only want Stangor’s money, sell him food, swords. No give Stangor free piece. Not even fat fishmonger woman fuck Stangor.

Stangor not so sure «MONSTER HUNTER TRI» healthy game.

Stangor panic today when tree fall, power outage kill Wii, destroy real world — send Stangor back to silly fake Play World. In silly fake Play World Stangor feel pain, get tired, is little weak man, wear glasses, no armor, no hunter’s knife, only computer, TV. When power back, Stangor forget silly little glasses man world, go back to Moga Woods, kill many monsters, harvest Blue Mushrooms, complete Quest, buy fancy armor, give fickle women of village big drugs, maybe get laid.

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

 

 

 

Stangors Saga: Day Two

Now I am a little worried. I put in Monster Hunter Tri just to see what it looked like, thinking I might play it for a few minutes. Suddenly I realized that an hour and a half had vanished while I had been running my character to the point of exhaustion, trying to kill enough dumb herbivorous monsters to complete my first assignment, which was to bring Fresh Meat to the somewhat passive-aggressive Chief’s Son. It took me about ten monster kills before I finally read in the instructions that in order to gather the Fresh Meat I first had to sheath my new knife. I also learned entirely by accident that I also could not return to the village and «recharge» unless my sword was sheathed.

I just about killed that poor character, Stangor the Monster Slayer, before I finally got the damn Meat to the Chief’s Son, made it back to the village and «recharged» (which is done by hopping into one’s bed and sleeping for three seconds, and also saves the game).

The next morning, when I woke up, all I could think about was going back to the woods and gathering some Resources for the village by small-monster-killing and mushroom-gathering and such — doing my manly duty, which (to cut through the bullshit) is to make a lot of game money. That’s actually what the monster hunting is all about.

So it’s not like I’m escaping the real world into total fantasy land. I still have the same overriding need: COLD HARD CASH, even in Monster Land. I still have to do all kinds of tedious shit (not that different from my real job) before I even have a chance to get KILLED by a monster.

There are a couple of things that make dwelling in that time-wasting game world pretty attractive to me. There, I am not Stang, a little guy with glasses who’s pushing 60, but a tall, strapping, tireless homosexual named Stangor. I assume Stangor is gay because he’s so good looking. Only gay dudes are that studly-looking.

Stangor is also pushing 60, and like me has a long ponytail that’s generally kept balled up and out of the way. I was able to customize Stangor just that much. I could have made him a Black guy with an Elvis hairdo, for instance, with red underwear instead of blue. But I couldn’t make him a girl. There are no female Monster Hunters. That’s another reason I assume Stangor and all the other Monster Hunters are gay.

No wonder my wife stayed on Facebook. This is about as all-boy a game as one could hope to find.

Also, Stangor, though not tireless — I had him so exhausted he fell asleep standing up every time he stopped running — still can actually run for an hour up hill and down dale, never stumbling. And he has a map in his head so he can see where the trails are. His aim with the sword is still a bit clumsy but that’s my fault; I panic when I get surrounded by monsters even if they are timid herbivores.

The monsters are «dinosaurs» from an alternate reality. Beautifully designed, fairly realistic, but generally looking like somewhat weirdly-frilled or armored offshoots of known dinosaurs. For that matter the humans are all some odd strain of far-future or deep-past Japanese. Even their writing looks more like Japanese than anything else.

So far it appears that games have not changed in any huge measure since PacMan. You still have to get Power Objects, unlock new stages, win prizes, or keep getting killed over and over. Funny, that also happens to summarize the plots of more than half of the movies I saw this year.

I CAN beat my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and I WILL spend the day working, not hunting monsters. I CAN. I WILL. This I, Stangor, do vow upon the Blade of Maldagor.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

Stangors Saga: My First Day as a Video Gamer

I am old, so old that Pong appeared in bars as a gigantic heavy console table when I was about 25. When the Vic 20 home computer was released, I played a game on it based on Centipede that I liked to call «Shit Tick» (because when you shot a tick, it would shit a cactus). This didn’t even have a game cartridge; you loaded it from a cassette tape. My son later got a SuperNintendo and I remember enjoying Star Fox (aka «Star Wing» in Europe) because one could fly through weird, psychedelic places without having to shoot at anyone or get shot at MUCH. (Star Fox was the first spaceship shooter using 16-bit 3D polygons!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W72WioQE0xs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED89kalfX4E

Then I got a life and became too busy for such frivolities, for roughly 20 years.

My son, taking pity, has kept me informed of major game developments, such as when they overtook movies in terms of financial gross, and when they MERGED with movies to become interactive photoreal ones — like that cowboy one, Red Dead Redemption.

We inherited a Wii from a dead guy last year and were perfectly happy with the baby’s/old-folks’ sports games that came with it. Many of those games force you to use your whole body, and we needed the exercise.

But then, last Xistlessnessmess, my son gave us a GameStop gift card for $40. That was the beginning of my downfall as an indepently-living human being.

One day, having finished several tedious business chores involving taxes and trademarks, and feeling the need for something completely different, I decided to spend that card on something that my wife Princess Wei and I would both like. I researched the current state of Wii games very quickly but intensively.

We are generally interested in quirky games that don’t involve constant stress or tough puzzles. We are dumb,lazy, and old. We work those controllers like a blind person drives a car.

GameStop had the two promising used games, RayMan Origins and Monster Hunter Tri. The latter is one of those huge, complicated games where you have to collect a ton of crap to win anything. The graphics in the video review «slayed» me.

The instruction booklet is about 50 pages long, though, so I haven’t actually tried that yet.

However, we became instantly addicted to RayMan Origins, which looks like it was designed by Ralph Steadman with John K of Ren and Stimpy, and is really just a very old-school 2-D sideways-scrolling leap-and-bash game, but modern and completely insane. Also it moves quickly, changes scenery and monsters very fast, and is easy for a blind driver (or deaf piano player as the case may be).

When we woke up this morning, all we wanted to do was laze around playing video games.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

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