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Stangors saga: I Managed to Escape from Stangor Briefly

He finally beat the Great Jaggi. The Quest had to be finished within 50 minutes (game time) and in the last TWO MINUTES he got in the killing blow and was able to carve out the bone and hide.

When it was over, *I,* not Stangor, was drenched in sweat, panting, feeling all beat-up, and this was in an air-conditioned room. Stangor, in Moga Woods, never broke a sweat, never sustained a bruise. He fainted once after being struck by the Great Jaggi’s tail repeatedly, and being bitten countless times by dozens of lesser Jaggis as well as the Great Jaggi himself. He went through ten MegaPotions and eight regular Potions.

I, on the other hand, have no Potion of any kind. Just coffee.

For FOUR HOURS, Stangor held me in his grip. It’s not me controlling him with the Wii controller — HE’S controlling ME. He attacks something and that makes my thumb hit the A button. He rolls from the monster’s attack, which causes my right index finger to pull the B trigger and my left thumb to swivel the motion-stick.

He spent half an hour preparing for the battle — making bombs, eating special meals, buying the lastest available power accessories. Then, after the battle, after picking up his rewards, he wanted to get high on Blue Mushrooms and Herbs and then immediately go back out there to collect more drugs and ores and bones, and to kill as many big monsters as he could
— JUST FOR FUN (also he gets paid). It was Ludroth mating season and he slew probably a dozen of those large slimy aquatic carnivores. (They look like reptiles but are flabby like amphibians.) There was a giant flying bug outbreak in the Central area and he learned that the best way to take out several at once is by The Martian Arts of Grutledge — he just stands there slashing randomly every which-way with his sword, and the giant bugs eventually fly into his way and get hit. He’s like a human bug-zapper.

IF Stangor is even remotely human! — for as far as I know he STILL hasn’t even peed, much less shat. He eats and drinks a lot — I mean, he devours chunks of meat half his own size — but no excretion! Maybe when he reaches Level 3 he’ll finally spend 20 minutes just standing on the edge of a cliff peeing off it, as his reward. Maybe that’s why he’s so obsessive.

He went for 3 days and nights (in his world), without sleeping, in just four hours our time. Then he finally passed out on his feet after he had me «SAVE GAME.»

I came to myself wearing headphones, with my left hand in severe pain from gripping the «nunchuck» controller so hard, and drenched with sweat in an air- conditioned bedroom. The cup of coffee in front of me had not been touched after the Quest started.

Next, Stangor is going to have to CAPTURE a Great Jaggi — in The Sandy Plains, an unforgiving environment. He is making me watch YouTube videos of kids demonstrating how quickly they can do that. Here’s one:

That is what Stangor has to do next. The guy in the video looks much like Stangor, but is younger and doesn’t have the white beard. But his armor and weapons are about the same. This particular Monster Hunter has obviously been at it longer than Stangor has. His slave in this world has probably been playing video games since birth, whereas this is my first experience as the slave of a video game character since the days of Joust, Centipede and Galaga.

I need to whip out some new material for my job, but… something is… fighting…

Stangor go hunt in Sandy Plains now. Practice. Try spare Flash Bombs on Rhenoplus. Take scalp. Do Crystal Bones Quest just as excuse. Chief not let Stangor go to Sandy Plains unless on Quest. No Free Hunt like in Moga Woods.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

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