I worked all day, and filled orders, so while I was still fully awake and jazzed up on coffee Stangor used me to help him attempt to capture the Great Jaggi, which is trickier than killing him, though not by much. In fact Stangor was in the LAST MINUTE of the Quest and had managed to survive long enough to a) injure the beast so that it fell asleep in its den b) sneak into the den and put a Shock Trap in front of him c) throw two Tranq Bombs as soon as the Shock Trap went off.

Problem is, that Shock Trap only lasts about 3 seconds, and Stangor didn’t throw the second Tranq ball fast enough. The Great Jaggi broke free and attacked Stangor, who knew the Quest had failed because the seconds were ticking down. He killed the Great Jaggi just as the clock ran out… losing the Quest (by a hair) but collecting a second Great Jaggi Hide, which he needs for certain fireproof armor.

Then, out of anger and frustration, Stangor went Free Hunting in Moga Woods — which is now complicated by TWO Great Jaggies running around in there, both surrounded by packs of the smaller Jaggis and Jaggia. So Stangor (using me as his second on this side) spent three hours just practicing with various weapons on the Great Jaggis and other beasts, and gathering honey (needed for MegaPotion, of which Stangor requires nearly 20 bottles per hunt — total junkie). He got «killed» again and again, but that doesn’t matter in Moga Woods. His unconscious body is carted back to base camp by Felyne slaves every time, and his health gets automatically replenished.

He managed to slay yet another Great Jaggi and collect another hide, but… I can’t remember if he was using the Hammer or the Great Sword.

The Great Sword is RIDICULOUS. It’s twice as long as Stangor is tall and takes two seconds just to lift and wield for each blow. But if you angle it right with a side-sweep, it can take out half the Jaggis around Stangor AND hit the boss monster a couple of good ones. And it can be charged up with super-power if you time it just right.

Get this, though — for the first time that *I* know of, Stangor, after hunting, got high and JUST WENT STROLLING AROUND LOOKING AT THINGS. Moga Village is very detailed — what little of it Stangor can get to. Much of it is merely seen in the background. But Stangor has always been so intent on hunting that he never stops to smell the Jaggi Dung. So he walked, not ran — I didn’t even know he could just WALK — and examined things like just what those fruits might be on the market table, and how the boats are made, and what the women were wearing. Then he went over to the Woods and strolled around, high as a kite, merely watching the bushes wave in the breeze (with an oddly repetitive motion!) and the clouds float by. The clouds do move, and there are birds up there. I had not really noticed a lot of those pretty details before. Too busy hunting and gathering.

Stangor gathered, but mainly just so he could stare real close at the pretty rocks he mines ore from and the bizarre bulb plants from which he gets herbs. He couldn’t NOT fight, because the Great Jaggi came a couple of times, but we found that about 3 blows from the Long Sword and he will run away.

That was really weird: Stangor just walking around «smoking a joint,» arming himself only when attacked.

In theory Stangor could spend 12 hours straight (my time, not his — it’d be a week for him) doing nothing but practicing with weapons on monsters. I can see how he might well want to do that. I can now see why video gamers get «that way.»

Wei is about to go away for the weekend. This means I COULD INDEED just sit on the edge of the bed being controlled by Stangor until my hands cramp up and bleed. She would come home Sunday to find me hollow-eyed and gaunt, and be unable to shake me back into this world. Like that guy in the movie BRAINSTORM who makes an orgasm-playback-loop and just sits there spazzing while it plays in his head.

Oh, I suppose there are other jobs to do besides slay dinosaurs in another dimension, but FUCK ‘EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.