Stangors saga: Day 42

Stangor have fight with Little Weak Glasses Man, win.

Easy fight.

Little Weak Glasses Man want to work in false world him call «real,» make websites, radio show, rant, edit videos. Stangor say NO. Must slay Great Jaggi at all costs. Must practice more with Hammer, Sword. Gain Zennis, Armor Spheres for weapon upgrade. Little Weak Glasses Man say no, must pay bills. Little Weak Glasses Man think him world real, not know him just servant of Stangor in REAL world of Moga Village, Moga Woods, Sandy Plain.

Stangor shake head sadly at Little Weak Glasses Man. But Stangor try to help Little Weak Glasses Man. Maybe good blow with Hammer work, knock sense into Little Weak Glasses Man head.

But Little Weak Glasses Man afraid, always stay on other side of window to Stangor World, Monster Hunter Tri world. Little Weak Glasses Man pussy.

Yet… him GET pussy. Stangor get no pussy. Pain between Stangor ears, pain in Stangor crotch. Stangor have blue ball something awful. Aggressive monster-slaying no help.

Stangor try to placate Little Weak Glasses Man. Offer Little Weak Glasses Man raw meat, Well Done Meat, Blue Mushrooms, Antidote Pudding. Maybe Little Weak Glasses Man get over silly delusion that stupid Little Weak Glasses Man world «real.»

Stangor know that Little Weak Glasses Man have crush on Gal with the Goods at Moga Village Shop. Her thick, swarthy, have big tits, big butt, thick legs. Maybe Stangor use Gal to lure Little Weak Glasses Man in. Gal no fuck Stangor anyway.

Stangor not even sure if Stangor have dick. Stangor fight, gather for many days now, never once have to shit, pee, fuck, not even jack off. Just eat, kill, gather, sell.

Maybe Little Weak Glasses Man world not so bad after all. Too bad it fake.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

Stangors Saga: Day 41

I had a very productive day. I worked on my job for a whole hour. Far more productively, I helped Stangor kill and kill and kill, plus the two of us got much Resource gathering accomplished.

HOLY SHIT, these «video game» things I’ve just now discovered are HABIT FORMING!

I was able to quit cigarettes, speed, all manner of central nervous system depressants, but I frankly don’t see much point in living outside the video game except for the bare minimum, enough to keep the power on.

It is getting on Wei’s nerves. She falls asleep at 3 am but wakes up at 7 am to find me still running Stangor, in headphones. Apparently just hearing the controller emit the occasional buzz is driving her nuts. And she says I twitch violently while playing, shaking the bed.

So today Stangor hunted all day instead of all night. He prefers day in his world and I am able to give that to him, but in this case it was day in my world too.

Stangor has finished all his initial Quests and unlocked a whole new series of quests, landscapes, characters and ever-larger monsters and weapons. He is also rich as Midas, unlike me, because his environment apparently can be looted forever as long as he is industrious. Often he goes to the Deserted Island just to kill and kill and kill (and collect hides and ores and other resources) — JUST FOR THE MONEY. He is paid pretty well even for monsters that are not very hard to kill.

We are now seeing new monsters that are a little more difficult to slay, and more dangerous. Stangor has to carry a lot of food and medicine with him if he expects to kill big monsters, especially in the water. A lot of it happens underwater so Stangor has had to learn this strange way of swimming while fighting and also keeping a constant lookout.

The fighting is not so hard, but needing to keep a lookout while sharpening blades or consuming potions between monster attacks is making it all increasingly complicated.

It’s not all dinosaur-like foes now. There are also some giant bugs, as well as a type of man-sized slug that lives in caves. This huge slug is dreaded by both Stangor and me.

When Stangor goes upon a Quest — necessary to keep the world from getting boring — he has a time limit, usually 50 minutes in Stangor-time, which is subtly different from «real time» in our Narrative.

Today his first Urgent Quest was to kill six Ludroths, which are somewhat like oversized crocodiles. They can expel an annoying projectile unless you stay to one side of them, hammering away. Easy to kill on land; much trickier underwater. Stangor barely made it out today with his life. He was down to his last First Aid Pack and there were three Ludroths going at him all at once. However he did manage to kill the sixth Ludroth in time. This earned him an audience with The Trader, a seaship captain who will give Stangor valuable weapons in return for warm furry hides and rare bug guts.

Well I guess I better get back to «work.»

It’s interesting to reflect that not two months ago I was just like most old people. «Video games? They make my hands hurt, they run up my blood pressure, and worst of all I never win.»

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU START WINNING?

It’s JUST like gambling or narcotics, or sex addiction. Don’t kid yourself, dear old-person reader. If it could happen to me, after all these years of resistance, it could happen to anybody — and much easier than you may think.

I spent the last hour «working» — supposedly..

The whole time, I wasn’t there. Not really. Mentally I was in Moga Woods, slaying monsters. I was thinking ahead: «What tools and supplies do I need to make sure I have with me on my next sojourn?»

Another part of me was thinking, «How can I break down Wei’s resistance? My wife has only been Wei D’Or two or three times. In the game world she is still stumbling around like a very old or young person, not yet fully in control of her limbs, nor with any reasonable sense of direction and motive. She isn’t ENJOYING it yet, not in… that WAY. It’s like the heroin is still making her puke. How can I get her to do that ONE NEXT HIT that will change her from allergic to addicted?»

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

 

 

 

Oktoberaktiviteter

Vår u-sendte medarbeider Oleana Pedrine Giæver er klar for Cthulhu-laiven Festung Norwegen

Denne «høst»greia hvor Folk Flest løper ut i skauen for å skyte hummer og poteter og sånn er over oss, og alle som Gjør Ting i norsk fandom har reist på laiv, eller sitter og spikker mausere og tresleiver mens de venter på bussen. Vi lar fredsommeligheten senke seg, og tar en lengre pause fra nyhetsoppdateringer og synsing her på Imagonem. Imens får du nyte Ærverdige Ivan Stangs utmerkede ministrasjoner, og kanskje litt spillmateriale og sånt her og der.

I helga møttes NorCon for å planlegge neste års SciFiekstragavanser, og tildelte like godt Johannes Bergs ærespris til Matthijs Holter. Det varmer at fondet gjør ære på alt det fine Matthijs finner på. Nyeste sprell er en nydelig tredjeutgave av fortellerspillet Arkipelago, med hjelp fra Jason Morningstar – sleng deg innom spillageret på Nørwegian Style og last det ned. Kanskje blir det snart til en utgave på morsmålet også.

Hyperion har også en pris de vil bli kvitt, og leter etter nominerte; les mer om det her.

Enkelte av oss benytter høsteriet til fornuftige ting; spillskaper Kverndokken, som lanserer sitt eget spill Brent Jord på Regncon denne måneden legger opp spillomtaler på denne bloggen, og ser etter forslag til flere; stikk innom rollespill.net’s ansiktskatalogside for å prate om det.

Tomas Mørkrid arrangerer oktoberspillsalong i Oslo 21. oktober. Vær klar for alver, seksualitet og lapskaus.

Få også med deg Fantasiforbundets treårsjubileum; det finner sted på åstedet for stiftelsen, Cafe Sara i Oslo, femogtyvende oktober, rett etter den internasjonale kortlaivfestivalen Grenselandet den 23.

Aniara og Tolkienforeningen Arthedain markerer at vi gleder oss til Hobbiten med arrangement den 11. på Chateu Neuf. Den tradisjonelle køen utafor Colosseum kino i Oslo er allerede godt i gang.

Mens vi er i den sonen, bør vi få med at spilleder Zak på bloggen D&D With Porn Stars stadig skriver tankevekkende ting om spillarrangering og design. Han og hans spillgruppes D&D-hack Vornheim introduserer begrepet City Crawling, og pakker mer ren spillmatnytte inn mellom to små permer enn hele D&D 4th edition til sammen.

Iron Crown, spillforlaget som liksom aldri helt vil legge seg ned og dø, annonserer spilltesten for en ny utgave av Rolemaster her.

Paizo fortsetter å pøse ut Pathfindermateriale – en Adventure Path i måneden, samt moduler, magasiner, kartpakker, kort og romaner. Vi håper de snart får råd til noen flere illustrasjoner også.

Borte på Games for Change intervjuer Josh Spiro Ken Eklund om hans nyeste ARG, som handler om å droppe ut av skolen.

Green Ronin tar i mot forhåndsbestillinger på Night’s Watch-supplementet til A Song of Ice and Fire-rollespillet (også kjent som Game of Thrones); vi er fristet til å heller anbefale å skjære til Realm Guard: Rangers of the North for formålet.

Steve Jackson Games’ GURPS ser ut til å trives godt som e-vare; det kommer fremdeles supplementer til både fjerde- og tredjeutgaven. Siste tilskudd er nok en samling med magiske dingser, den tredje i rekken. Dette ser ut som den typen stoff SJGames har gjort det bra med tidligere – tekster tettpakket med informasjon og stilige ideer, som kan plyndres av alle uansett favorittspillsystem.

Kysttrollmenna forklarte seg om D&D’s framtid på GenCon for en tid siden. Her er videoen.

Og hvis hummeren ikke har rukket å komme seg i dekning når du er ferdig med alt dette, får du se å pelle deg på laiv med langbue og skramaseax du også.

 

 

 

Stangors Saga: Day 25

Stangor better now, finally gather two Goldenfish Bait. Want two more so Stangor be sure not to fuck up Goldenfish Quest for fifth time. Stangor much better fisherman now. But must have Firefly to make Goldenfish Bait — combine with Snakebee Larva. Stangor have all Larvae Stangor need, but Firefly rare. Only found under Honey Tree in 4 places on Deserted Island. Stangor have good Cheat Sheet.

Stangor learn, catching rare fish harder than killing Monsters. Most Monsters fall dead with four blows from Stangor small-sword. But now more Monsters come each time. Some bigger, faster, take more than 4 blows. Almost as if gods of Deserted Island know Stangor gain more skill, not all-time slash at thin air like Village Idiot. But tough hide on new monsters, make Stangor sword dull. Stangor must run, hide, use whetstone before can fight. Stangor also get stung by big ants, have to take potions, mushrooms, bitterbugs. Little Weak Glasses-Man always must push buttons faster while Stangor keep lookout.

Stangor now able to cook Rare Steak from Monster Meat many times, not burn meat like silly weakling from city. Still hard to cook meat Well Done. Stangor must eat after every two Monster Fights.

Stangor surprised some Monsters not Endangered Species yet. Stangor keep backpack small, fit in more ore, bugs, fish, meat. But Storage Box of Stangor, back in yurt in Moga Village, now very full! Many skulls, bones, bugs, potions. Stangor rich, soon hire deformed Armorer Dwarf to make great weapons.

Stangor now know magic to bring Wei D’Or to Stangor world, fight Monsters together in Arena. Stangor wrong before. Woman can hunt too. Stangor could even become Woman. Hunter women very sturdy, shapely. But Wei D’Or still too weak, silly. Hunter’s Guild no have We D’Or yet as member. Wei D’or must kill more, gather more.

***

I ukene fremover presenterer Imagonem en serie gjesteblogger fra Ærverdige Ivan Stang, skriftlærd og radiovert for den internasjonale Church of the SubGenius. Pastoren deler her den oppbyggelige fortellingen om sin gjenoppdagelse av dataspillenes vidunderlige verden med oss.

 

 

 

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